The Difference Between Privilege and Entitlement

I’ve been sitting with this inquiry for a few years now - watching it show up in conversations, social media and personal experiences.  

Writing is the way I process what feels complex or unnamed and helps me find language for what feels true (to me) and, I genuinely hope it can help others see things that might be felt but not named.

In today’s world there is a-lot of talk about power, inequality and healing, and words such as privilege and entitlement often get used and sometimes interchangeably.

But they are not the same.

And understanding the difference matters - especially in conversations about justice, compassion and responsibility.

What Is Privilege?

Privilege refers to the unearned advantages someone holds simply because of their identity, background, or the circumstances they were born into. 

It is not something we necessarily choose but it is something we, mostly unconsciously, benefit from.

Privilege can be based on race, gender, socio-economic status, body size, neurotypicality, citizenship, education, and family support.

Having privilege does not mean your life has necessarily been easy.

What Is Entitlement?

Entitlement is a mind set.

It is the belief that you deserve something - whether or not it’s earned, fair or reasonable.

Eg: “that rule doesn’t apply to me”, “they owe me”

While privilege is systemic, entitlement is personal.

Recently,  my son lost his drivers licence, after a string of accumulated fines. He was understandably upset and frustrated and said something along the lines of “can’t we just hire a lawyer to get me out of it”. This is a subtle everyday example of how entitlement can show up. It’s not that he’s a bad person - he’s young and he’s learning - but the expectation, that someone else should fix it, or that the rules should bend for him and that money should make it go away - that’s entitlement.

At the same time, his ability to even consider hiring a lawyer, that’s privilege. Not everyone has access to legal support, or parents that can help (if they choose to).

When we confuse privilege with entitlement, we:

- Shame and judge people for what they’ve inherited rather than how they act 

- Miss opportunities to teach accountability

- Create division rather than understanding 

When we can separate the two, we can:

- Name systems without blame

- Model growth, repair and responsibility

So What Can We Do?

If we hold privilege, being aware of it, not just taking it for granted (unexamined privilege) we can ask ourselves:

How can I use my privilege with integrity?

Where can I be aware that the rules apply to me too and not just do whatever is easy?

If you notice entitlement, ask:

Where did you learn that you should be exempt from discomfort?

How do you respond when things don’t go your way?

How do you stay accountable even when things get hard?

This is not about shame, but discernment.

There is also another layer here, where those with privilege are automatically judged as selfish, unaware or entitled without knowing who they really are. (eg someone automatically thinks you are snob because you drive a Mercedes or go to a prestigious school).  

Some of these assumptions are: 

- “You’ve had it easy”

- “You don't understand pain or suffering”

- “ You’ve never had to work hard”

These assumptions can be painful for those who “have done the work” and who are using their privilege with integrity, and who have suffered in ways that don't show on the surface of our lives. 

Privilege does not make someone good or bad.

It’s not the having or the not-having that defines us - it’s how we carry it.

When we reactively judge people for their privilege, we close the door on connection and our shared humanity and create a divide. 

Yes, privilege must be acknowledged but it must also be held with compassion - for ourselves and others.

Consider these questions:

- Where have you felt judged or misunderstood based on what others assume you have? 

- Where do you carry privilege well and where do you take it for granted?

- Where are you willing to soften and grow around this inquiry?

Recently, I was at a shopping centre and as I was getting into my car, a beautiful Mercedes - that I work hard for and am proud to drive - I overheard a group of young boys call me a “snob”. They didn't know me and we hadn’t interacted in any way. They had looked at my car and made an assumption about who I was. The truth is, I’m far from a snob, I’m deeply aware of my privilege and I hold it with care and gratitude. This is a clear example of the other side of the conversation.

When Privilege Becomes A Weapon Of Assumption.

Privilege doesn’t mean someone hasn’t suffered, worked hard, or holds deep empathy and it certainly doesn’t mean that they are incapable of depth or self awareness.

Misuse of the word entitled can also be a way to silence or shame someone.

I experienced this first hand recently, after a trip to India when I offered some respectful feedback to the facilitator and she responded by calling my behaviour throughout the trip  “entitled” and “privileged”. (it wasn’t in any way) Clearly aware of my privileged background she used these words as labels to shut me down and make assumptions about me. My privilege became something that needed to be shamed. She weaponised the words against me to project her own discomfort around my feedback.  

If we truly want to evolve - individually and collectively - we need to build our capacity for nuance.

We must learn to name privilege without blame, to call out entitlement without shame, and to stop making unconscious assumptions about others based on surface appearances. This isn’t about finger-pointing or moral superiority. It’s about staying awake, curious, and accountable. It’s about doing the deeper work of inquiry and integrity. And it’s about remembering that growth requires grace - for ourselves and each other.