Lessons From Netflix series Adolescence and Andrew Tate - Reflections from the Mother of a 20 yr old son

This is very personal as a mother of a 20 year old son. I felt a deep sadness that I couldn’t quite shake after watching this short series. (I felt exactly the same way after I read the book, “The New Manhood” by Steve Biddulph, a few years ago and I have much to say about Andrew Tate 😡).

I honestly feel a profound grief for the boy inside my son, the lost boys in our communities, the boys who are growing up in a culture, that too often fails to see them clearly or hold them with tenderness. Underneath it all, I am personally trying to make sense of a world that feels increasingly disconnected from what boys truly need.

You only need to notice the rise in teen crime, youth violence, and risk-taking behaviour to see that something is seriously wrong. These are not just acts of rebellion - they are symptoms of disconnection, of boys who feel unseen, unheard and unsure where they belong in the world. When boys don’t have safe ways to express pain, it comes out sideways - through anger, bravado, addiction or violence. Even in men (who never grow up).

I think this series highlights what happens when young men are emotionally exiled and digitally groomed.

Here are 10 of my personal reflections from the series.

1. Our Boys Are Starving For Initiation 

Our boys are vulnerable, human and more sensitive than we sometimes realise. But society teaches them to “harden up”. In adolescence we see what happens when that sensitivity is ignored. Boys will often seek out belonging in places that exploit them, hello Andrew Tate, whose message offers a false initiation into a toxic mix of misogyny, wealth glorification and controlling women as a seductive blueprint of success.

 2. Emotional Repression Is A Slow Death 

Disconnection isn’t just emotional, it’s cultural and is often a disconnection from values, purpose and community. As Biddulph says  in his book “we must teach boys to belong to something good”.  We must teach our boys to name, feel, and express emotions as part of true strength. 

Tate promotes a hyper- masculine persona that equates being a “real man” with suppressing emotions, controlling women and making fast money. He ridicules emotional expression, calling it weak and “beta”. 

3. Online Influence Is Replacing Parental And Community Wisdom

 The internet has become the new rite of passage for young men, especially for those who are feeling powerless, lost or disconnected. Without elders, guides and grounded role models, our boys are falling into echo chambers that radicalize and distort them. In the book The New Manhood it reminds us how essential mentorship is. Tate creates loyalty through fear, ego, and manipulation - building digital cults that isolate.  If our boys are not being seen, heard, and held by us, they’ll go elsewhere. 

4. Emotional literacy is the missing key. One of the most devastating scenes in Adolescence is the silence - the lack of words - because many of our boys don't know how to name what they are feeling. Biddulph calls this the “emotional desert”. Our boys need guides - not to fix them but to teach them to feel.

5. Pornography And Media Are Shaping Young Minds

Pornography and violence fill the gap where intimacy should live. When boys are not taught healthy intimacy they seek intensity. Pornography, aggression and bravado become their currency. But inside they are aching for softness. The early sexualisation of boys and the loss of relational ethics mean they don’t learn to care about women. Pornography addiction dehumanizes.

6. Fathers or father figures matter more than we know.  

Without elders boys follow influencers. Adolescence reveals a spiritual vacancy - where there is no wise adult guiding the way. In the New Manhood, the absence or emotional unavailability of a father is a core theme. Boys need resonance to be seen and heard. Boys need a steady voice even when they pretend not to be listening.

7. Suppressed Boys Become Dangerous Men 

I think the central tragedy unfolds because Jamie has no safe place to offload pressure or grief. Boys need emotional education and people to talk with. Rage and loneliness don’t disappear. They mutate.

8. Boys Crave Power When They Feel Powerless

Boys feel powerless when they are not heard or seen in their homes, schools and society. We need to teach our boys that power is not about domination but grounded presence. This means spending time with them and being emotionally attuned. 

9. Shame Silences The Truth

Shame is everywhere in Adolescence - about sex, emotion, weakness and difference. Tate doubles down on messages of shame - using it to control and belittle. 

Boys need to feel safe to speak and to trust themselves and their feelings.

10. Boys Need To Be Loved Without Performance

I think the ultimate tragedy and message in Adolescence is how unseen Jamie is - until it’s too late. 

He is surrounded by people who care about him - his parents, teachers and peers - but none of them truly see, his inner confusion or loneliness, his emotional pain or the signs that he is struggling. Instead, like many boys, he’s expected to behave or just “be fine”. Inside he is most probably feeling overwhelmed and doesn’t have the words or safe spaces to express it. 

When a teen’s emotional world becomes invisible this can lead to acting out or shutting down, depression or explosive anger or becoming vulnerable to dangerous influencers like Andrew Tate.

My son, Ewen,  has struggled immensely since he left school and is now about to turn 20.

We hope he is on the right track but I thought I might offer up some ways we have been trying to bridge the gap;

Get Curious, Not Critical - Let them talk without rushing to fix them or judge them; let them know you are there to talk to without judgment. 

Spend Time -Sideways - Driving, walking or doing something together feels safer than face to face chats.

Model Your Own Humanity - share when you feel unsure or overwhelmed, it helps to show them that it’s ok not to have it all figured out, because, we are all human -  which can be complex sometimes.

Talk Openly About Media And Other Influences  - guide them back to what is true and real.

We can’t change the whole culture overnight. But we can start in our own homes, our schools, our conversations. We can remind our boys that they are not projects to fix and their worth does not come from what they do or how they perform, but we love them for who they are.

Together we can rewrite the story for our boys.