Over the past six months or so I have come to the hard realisation that some of the friendships in my life are not what I thought they were. That really they were not reciprocal and they didn't rest on shared values.
I started questioning myself and wondering whether it was me - maybe my expectations were too high or I was too needy or that I was doing something wrong……
Read MoreOver the last few weeks in our mindfulness group, we’ve been exploring the meaning of expectations.
As human beings, expectations are normal.
We all have them. They are not wrong. They are human.
They show us what we care about and value. They often point toward longing - for connection, fairness, respect and recognition.
The problem isn’t that we have expectations but that they are often invisible, unspoken or unrealistic.
Brene Brown calls them “stealth expectations.”…….
Read MoreWe live in a time where our attention is increasingly being pulled in a thousand different directions all at once.
We see more.
We know more.
We witness more and more suffering, more injustice and more information - faster than ever before.
Technology has given us extraordinary access to each other and the world at large. It has opened up conversations, amplified voices and made collective and social change more visible and possible than ever before……
Read MoreThere is a well known quote by Viktor Frankl:
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom”
This is profoundly practical and is at the heart of what we are taught through mindful practices such as yoga and meditation.
When the gap is narrow - when we feel overwhelmed, stressed or under-resourced - the space between stimulus and response is small and maybe doesn’t even exist at times. We can get triggered more easily - perhaps by an email, a comment, a tone of voice - and we automatically react…..
Read MoreI love connecting with like-minded people but I’ve never felt a strong pull towards networking groups, even though it has been recommended to me as a way to grow my business, many times before.
Lately I’ve been reflecting on why I feel this way and I’ve realised that what feels “off” for me is that something about the culture of networking carries a subtle undertone of extraction and transaction.
It can feel like……
Read MoreOur digital world is louder than ever before, but our inner world is where meaning and purpose is found.
This is easy to forget or even know, when we spend so much time on our digital devices - scrolling, posting, consuming - the endless clamour of being “on” and trying to keep up with a pace our nervous systems were never built for…..
Read MoreWe live in a culture obsessed with becoming better and doing more.
Better bodies, systems, routines - a never-ending project of fixing who we already are.
And, oh my goodness, me too! I have also been a part of this self improvement culture. You only need to take a look at the books on my bookshelf. LOL I’m a lifelong learner and student- curiosity is in my bones, but over the years I too have tried many of the strategies, 6 step frameworks and other ways to try to “improve” myself……..
Read More“Friends are the family we choose for ourselves”
Friendship was never easy for me when I was younger. Although I longed for genuine connection, it never came easily for me. I think part of the reason was that I was a people pleaser and shape shifted myself in different situations to “fit in”. As a young woman and “party girl” I wasn’t really clear on what my values were. I wanted to belong, to be liked, to be part of the fun. I would never speak up if I disagreed with something. I stayed silent and agreeable to keep the peace……
Read MoreEverywhere I look I am noticing more and more, the sea of sameness.
Do you notice it too ??
Our originality is being flattened by trends and authenticity has been turned into a marketing strategy. I find myself searching for words and content that feel “lived-in” again - not the scroll of imitation and sameness. Quite frankly, it feels boring, flat and predictable because our words and expression have lost their texture through repetition and overuse.
Our voices and expression are not templates, they are the source of our deepest, lived experience and truths and truth is a living practice…..
Read MoreThere’s something about midlife that invites a kind of unmasking.
The people-pleasing begins to lose its grip as we stop making so much bloody effort to be likeable.
And slowly, the parts of ourselves that we have kept tucked away begin to stretch and breathe…..
Read MoreIn our mindfulness class this week we explored the ways in which we can notice and ease our hard habits of thinking such as perfectionism, judgement, control and comparison that keep us locked in patterns of tension and reactivity.
When we practice softening the mind, we begin to notice when we’ve slipped into autopilot - when our minds and thought begin to loop into over-analysis and we resist and tighten against life.
Here are some of the ways the mind becomes hard - the patterns, defences, and habits that create mental rigidity and inner tension……
Read MoreI’ve taken up a new hobby - carving spoons!
My friend Bron, gifted me two beautiful hand carved spoons and I loved them so much, that I asked her if she could teach us her art.
And now I have the “spoon bug”.
A spoon is such an ordinary and humble thing.
It feeds, stirs and serves.
It carries soup to the mouth and honey to the tea……
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